Mom with Dodo and me 1948
Mom always thought I loved Dad and not her. A few days before she died, she tried to tell me that Dad was not perfect. How she had been hurt by him all these years, not physical abuse, but by her perceived infidelities made by him.
I have a lot of pictures of Mom. When she was in her twenties and throughly in love with Dad. As a little girl consumed by her insecurity of being the “ugly and stupid duckling” of her family. Of her finding professional maturity, writing her Manual for Botany. And her last years as an old woman. I could write a book about her, really, but I just have to write this blog before I go off to check on one of my buildings.
I chose this picture of our family. Mom, Dodo and me just before she went off to join Dad in the USA. She must have had this picture taken to send to him. He must have written one of those mushy love letters he always wrote to her, telling her how much he missed her, and the little ones. This was when Dad went to Johns Hopkins University to take his Master of Public Health degree.
I also have letters written during these times. Mom said that I was starting to feel insecure. She was running an ice drop business with my Ninang Micay (remember Elsie Tampong era?). It was located in Vigan (Ilocos Sur), and Mom had to go with Ninang Micay to check on the profits. She would leave me and Dodo with her mother and sister Ninang Nancy in Pampanga. Dodo was too young to feel the pangs of separation. Besides, he was doted upon by Ninang Nancy. Ninang Nancy had a group of spinsters who were always with her in her (religious) activities, and they found a toy in Dodo. He was always in the midst of them. Their cute Baby.
When Mom got ready to join Dad in Maryland, she wrote him, “I am hesitant to leave Elsie again. Every time I came back from Vigan, I would find her with tears in her eyes. I don’t know how she would feel if I were to go again, this time, for a longer period. She clings to my dress every time I go out, thinking I am going away and not coming back.” Of course, anyone who has had a child, know that when the child is around three years old, it is difficult to leave the house without the child having separation anxiety. But these were in Mom’s letters to my Dad.
I don’t know when my affections shifted to my Dad. But it was not true that I didn’t love my Mom. She was my sole pillar when I was growing up, when Dad was always away.
A few days before Dad died, he made me promise that I would love my Mom and that I would take care of her. It wasn’t necessary for him to have asked that of me, because I was doing both. But maybe, he, like Mom, thought I didn’t love my Mom enough, and he wanted to make sure that I would take care of her after he was gone.
Elsietampong's Blog 
May 6, 2010 at 1:41 am |
It was sweet of your Dad to ask you to do those two things. It is also a blessing that you had that opportunity to have served both your parents. How I wish I had the same opportunity to do the same for mine.
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May 11, 2010 at 12:24 am |
Pris, you have been a parent yourself. You know that parents do not require their children to serve them. They understand your life’s own needs. But yes, it was a blessing to be with my parents in their last years. I enjoyed being with them. I treated Mom like she was my favorite daughter. I brought her with me wherever I went. She enjoyed watching the new buildings go up. She enjoyed looking at the shops. I bought for her things, like a miniature Christmas village with houses and churches and lights, all decked and covered with snow. She had such an open mind to enjoy whatever she could, whenever she could. I hope that made up for all the bad times I caused her when I was a teenager.
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