My First husband (H1) tried to console me when we first separated in 1972.
“It is not so bad than if I had died. If I died, it would be final. At least now, if you need me, I can still go and see you.”
I chose to cut the ties. I couldn’t take sharing him with other women. It was all or nothing for me.
I found Second Husband (H2), who was a “10” in everything. He was intelligent, thoughtful, considerate, wonderful to all the children, including those I brought with me to the marriage, and gentle with me. We married, and I never had to see H1, ever. Not even now. H1 was as good as dead to me.
After several illnesses, God took away H2. It was a swift death, just as he wanted. No lingering days at the hospital. No nurses, no pain. We were on a holiday. We were riding a boat, and a huge wave capsized our boat. The boat must have hit him, his weak heart panicked, and he was gone in an instant.
The children came to say good-bye. Then they went back to their lives.
Our last child left the house twenty years ago. So it was just H2 and I, living our life the way we wanted, just the two of us.
I am still asking questions: should I pursue the projects that he had dreamed? Should I continue the projects that I planned? Should I do both? Or should I sell everything and “enjoy myself”? What would make me “enjoy myself” other than continuing the dreams H2 and I had set out to do before we died? I think I had answered my own question.
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